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Pat Robertson

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Highlyfavored
on 01-20-2010 at 12:04 AM (1069 Views)


LOS ANGELES, CA – Pat Robertson said that Haiti’s catastrophic earthquake was caused by the Devil. The Devil says, “I had nothing to do with it!”

On Wednesday Televangelist Pat Robertson said that Haiti suffered a massive earthquake earlier this week because of a deal with the Devil. He said that years ago “they were under the heel of the French. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you’ll get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it’s a deal.” The Devil has since come forward to deny these claims.

Satan, crowned Prince of Darkness, held a press conference last night to deny Pat Robertson’s accusations. Flanked by a team of lawyers the Devil spoke at a conference room in the Los Angeles Hyatt. “I had Nothing to do with that earthquake! Sometimes things just happen in the physical world, without any reason or spiritual intervention. I never made a pact with the entire country of Haiti! That’s absurd!

“If Pat Robertson wants to say otherwise, then where’s his proof? He has no proof! He’s just a mean old bigot who will look at someone else’s suffering and say they deserved it because they made a deal with me. I had nothing to do with it!” The Devil stepped aside to regain his composure.

One of Satan’s many lawyers then came forward to complete the statement. “My client has come forward to deny these slanderous accusations by Pat Robertson. At no point in time did he, or any representative of Hell, make a deal with the country of Haiti. Our database has no record of any such contract. In fact any investigation into our practices will reveal that all deals with the Devil are made on an individual basis. Also my client has an alibi. Four priests and a midwife will swear that he was possessing a ten year old Ecuadorean boy at the time of the earthquake. These baseless accusations amount to nothing more than a smear campaign that Mr. Robertson has waged against my client.”

The Devil will be filing suit against Pat Robertson for slander, defamation of character, and emotional duress.
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Updated 01-20-2010 at 12:55 AM by Highlyfavored

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Comments

  1. trav's Avatar
    That's hilarious! The actual cause of the earthquake was Chuck Norris punching the ground.
  2. Robert R. Higby's Avatar
    Pat probably believes that the devil causes all natural disasters.

    An important issue that we might do well to discuss is whether there is any discernible evidence in where these things occur that tell us something about why and when God sends mass judgment on a people in a particular place (i.e., Haiti, Indonesia, Bangladesh). Why has this type of thing not happened in most of North America?
  3. GraceAmbassador's Avatar
    Which is worse: to be under the heels of the French or to be punished by the devil? I'd take the second any day!

    Well, FINALLY, someone found out the cause of the disaster in Haiti and it ain't God nor the devil. It is, however, the GOOD OL' USA!

    According to Hugo Chavez mouthpiece, the official press of Venezuela (just like ABC, NBC, CBS, AP, are for Obama), is reporting that an EARTHQUAKE BOMB was tested by the USA in Haiti and it is to be used against Iran.

    So, there you have it! The USA is to blame!

    As for me, IF THAT WOULD ONLY BE TRUE AND WE HAD SUCH A DEVICE!

    Milt
  4. Saint Nicholas's Avatar
    Pat Robertson is a Charismaniac, pro Papist, pro ecumenical, false Gospel preaching IDIOT! He probably made his statement after God personally spoke to him and gave him that special revelation?? HA HA! Anyone who would even listen to, or even consider Pat Robertson as a viable and credible mouthpiece within the Body of Christ are just as dumb, blind and stupid as Pat Robertson.

    Only the creator God our father is in control of the universe He created. And whatever means and tools He uses to destroy and or punish mankind is soley His undertaking. God is the ultimate and resposible cause of ALL ALL ALL things seen and unseen.

    Nicholas

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