TOP TEN SIGNS THAT YOU THINK ABOUT THEOLOGY TOO MUCH:
1. You think "Will and Grace" is a sitcom about Arminians and Calvinists.
2. Your idea of evangelism is to nail a copy of Luther's 95 theses to the door of every house in your neighborhood (in Latin).
3. Your kids are named Luther, Calvin, and Zwingli.
4. Your bumper sticker says "Honk if you're a Supralapsarian!"
5. You tune into "Crossing Over" expecting to see the 18th century theologian, not the 21st century psychic.
6. You have a life-size poster of John Gerstner on your bedroom wall.
7. You have a Jonathan Edwards lunch box with a John Calvin thermos.
8. After having one too many drinks, you decide to get Luther and Calvin's faces tattooed on each arm.
9. You keep accidentally referring to the Rose Bowl as the Tulip Bowl.
10. You read Freedom of the Will to your six year old for a bedtime story.
You Might Be a Presbyterian If . . .
In keeping with this week's theme of levity when it comes to all things theological, and ripping off an idea from my friend Glenn at Common Grounds Online, and his series on "you might be an evangelical if . . . " (here, here and here) I offer the following.
You might be a Presbyterian if . . .
1. You've got a big bushy beard in honor of R. L. Dabney.
2. You can spell supralapsrian , suprlapsarian, suralapsrian, supralapsarian.
3. When asked to name the twelve apostles you say Matthew, John, James, Andrew, Peter, Nathaniel, Phillip, Simon, Thomas, Augustine, Luther and Calvin.
4. You used to be a Baptist.
5. You started drinking ("in moderation" of course) after you left the Baptist church and became a Presbyterian.
6. Your children's names all begin with "covenant." In other words, normal people have babies, boys, girls, kids, and/or children. Presbyterians, on the other hand have "covenant" children. Instead of introducing your kids as Billy, Bobby and Suzy, it would be more proper to introduce them as Covenant-Bill, Covenant-Bob, and Covenant-Sue.
7. When the spirit comes upon you in power, you don't raise your hands and shout Hallelujuah, rather you scratch your chin, turn to your neighbor and whisper "hmmm, . . . that was a good point."
8. You think fencing has something to do with the Lord's Supper instead of swords.
9. You've considered church discipline for people who watch the NFL on Sunday afternoon.
10. When someone asks you a question about the Bible, you answer, "Well, the confession says . . . " or "the catechism says . . . "
11. Charles Spurgeon is just a little too Arminian for your blood.
12. They aren't "catholics," or even "Roman Catholics." They're "Romanists," or "Papists."
13. You secretly suspect that John Calvin was a liberal because of his compromise on the Sabbath issue.
14. You know the meaning of most or all of the following - PCA, PCUS, PCUSA, PC(USA), PC(U.S.A.), PCUSA(NS), PCUSA(OS), RPCES, RPCNA-GS, RPCNA, EPC, OPC, ARP, NAPARC, CRC, RCA, BPC, BPC-Collingswood, BPC-Columbus, CPC, TE, RE, WCF, WLC, WSC, BCO, UPC, UPCNA, UPCUSA, NPC,
15. You know, or think you know, the difference between "calvinist" and "reformed."
16. You think the phrase "chosen frozen" is a compliment.
Originally Posted by Robert R. Higby
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